Like hunters aiming at reindeer with credit cards dangling off their antlers, retailers now have us squarely in their holiday sights.
Admittedly, that’s stark Darwinian imagery for this Intelligent Design-tinted time of year. But while the holidays stir the best in us spiritually, the rule of the retail jungle has always been as cutthroat as it has been agnostic: It’s bill or be billed.
But if you’re part of a herd of consumers about to be hung in a corporate exec’s trophy room, here’s two outdoorsy gift ideas that might be worth your stuffed and mounted sacrifice.
The Wovel: Digital Slobs don’t need too many excuses to be shut-ins. And for those in northern latitudes, 15-foot snow drifts ought be the only one they need half the year.
Southern Slobs would be shocked to learn, however, that in sub-zero social orders, white-outs aren’t excuses for absenteeism, even if you’ve got a doctor’s note. Even if the note is frozen in six inches of ice. Even if the doctor is frozen in six inches of ice.
So arctic Slob commuters have to dig their cars out just to inevitably swerve it into another snow bank that’s maybe 20 yards closer to work.